Extreme Behaviors in School

 Im so sorry that this has become so hard. 😔 I’m a retired school counselor, and love a child who struggles with behavior in school. I have seen some chair flipping in my time. I have also been punched, kicked and bitten. The first thing I will say is that adults in schools should not be subjected to violence and injury. Neither should other kids. Disruption on that level not only disrupts the natural flow of learning, it actually traumatizes other children who no longer feel safe. It’s getting worse, and it’s not acceptable. I think the issue of increasing behavior problems from children with special learning needs has many factors. Here is what is in my brain.

1. The NC 13% cap creates funding issues for schools that affect the amount of staff they can hire. That 1:1 SPED teacher is very expensive. The district might not be able to afford it. There might not even money for appropriate sized small groups.

2. Teachers, staff, admin, and even some counselors don’t have adequate training in trauma informed response. Children can get triggered by things we might not even realize. Example: a child in my last school had very disruptive behavior in K. Seemed to come out of the blue. Nobody could figure out what to do, and the teacher was totally done with this kid. Eventually we learned that when the child was 3, a caregiver had yelled at him and slammed him into the wall, fracturing his skull. The K teacher tended to speak in a loud voice at times. That was what was setting him off. He was placed with soft-spoken teachers after that, and the behaviors disappeared. He’s an honor student in high school now. He was not a child with special learning needs, but many other children are.

3. The adults at school are not trained properly in how to deescalate extreme behavior, which often occurs when the child is in flight or fight mode. Child I Love (CIL) has extreme anxiety about certain academic tasks. IEP accommodation was written for the ability to go to a designated adult when she started to feel out of control. (Flight). Teacher decided that she should not be allowed to do that anymore, so one day he blocked the door. Flight turned into fight, and he got kicked. (She had appropriate consequences at home, including a written apology to the teacher). Which brings me to the next thing.

4. Some teachers, staff and admin believe that most extreme behaviors are deliberate, and therefore punish. That usually just causes an increase in the frequency of the behaviors because the underlying cause is not addressed.

5. Some admin do not really understand trauma informed response, so consequences are inconsistent or inappropriate. (Child kicks teacher. Child goes to the office, someone talks to them, and sends them back to class with chips). Again, underlying cause is not addressed, and teacher feels angry/demoralized.

6. Not enough time spent actually TEACHING kids how to appropriately respond to anger, sadness and frustration. See #1, and notice that your counselor has absolutely no time to do this.

7. Teachers do not have enough training in the specific cognition differences for a child with a special learning need. What does it mean to a child with poor processing speed when material is presented once, and then is used immediately in practice? Kid only absorbed half of the material Frustration can build, and suddenly we have an explosion that looks like it came out of nowhere. Because the kid is in the midst of a tantrum and their frontal cortex has actually shut down, they can’t respond to anyone’s repeated questions about what the problem is - they need about 20 minutes before their amygdala releases it’s stranglehold on their brain. Because their slow processing speed is a result of ADHD, by the time they calm down, they genuinely may not even remember what the problem was in the first place. Your EC team and your counselor probably can help with this. But they don’t always have enough time to do this. See #1 and #6.

7. And here’s the final thing. All of this takes TIME. Time that teachers do not have. Because there is so much pressure to produce academic results. Testing requirements make it difficult to put Maslow before Bloom. 

Now you will notice that I have not mentioned poor parenting. That’s because almost all of these behaviors are caused by trauma or disability. NOT by poor parenting. The parents might not respond to the problem appropriately, but that doesn’t mean schools shouldn’t. My experience is that most parents are doing the best they can. But they are also learning on the job, and they are worried about their kid, and they may feel guilty. And yes, I am fully aware that a) parents are often not willing to face, or even understand why their child is having problems. (One of my favorite saying here is “Denial is not a river in Egypt”), b) parents don’t understand that school should not be the only place that kids get support with behavior health - like ya probably need professional counseling outside of school, c). parents don’t always see school people as professionals, and are therefore unwilling to sign on to plans the school develops or the suggestions they make, and d) parents can just be disrespectful and mean. Particularly if the relationship with the school has become adversarial. There should be some sort of software feature that bounces back any email that is written after 8 pm.

PLEASE understand that I am not throwing this all back on teachers. They are only one part of a system to address behavior issues, which are increasing in this country. (And that is a whole different blog post) But segregation of children with behavior issues is what happened prior to 1975. It was cruel and ineffective.

The CIL finally has an IEP and excellent behavior support from EC. Behaviors have greatly decreased. Gen Ed teacher needs more understanding and training (ie: lower than typical developmental abilities regarding independence and responsibility may be the result of underdeveloped executive function. They are not a moral failing to be responded to with punitive measures) Since the emotional needs required to be successful in school are being met by at least some of the adults (safety, belonging, trust, encouragement and positive response for effort), behavior has improved, and learning is happening. She recognizes that and is feeling more confident. The positive cycle is repeated and amplified.

I really, really hope that a positive cycle can begin for the children that have behavior issues in your school. EVERYONE in your school community deserves that.